Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in Tiburon, CA

Relationship issues can trigger some of life’s most challenging moments. It’s understandable to want support. I am here to help you move through chaotic times and find stability in the midst of crisis. That said, some of the most effective treatments for couples happen long before problems arise, so if you are seeking therapy as a couple in anticipation of a transition or just to know each other better, I commend you. There doesn’t need to be anything “wrong” with you. In fact, there probably isn’t, even for those of you who are in the midst of the most difficult of times. 

I use a heart-centered approach to helping couples rebuild trust, rekindle intimacy, learn effective communication skills and strengthen their connection with honesty and empathy. My approach is gender sensitive, inclusive and sex positive. I welcome you and your significant other wherever you are on the spectrum of gender identity, expression and sexual orientation. 

I am here to encourage and support the best in both of you as individuals and as a couple, whether your goal is to stay together, amicably separate or figure out what you want. My goal is to help you feel safe enough to be vulnerable and share the things you have been too afraid to say out of fear that you will no longer be loved. As a couples therapist, I do my best to act as an objective moderator and a non-partial witness to this very intimate process. 

If you are wondering if you need couples counseling, the thought of allowing a stranger into the intimate chambers of your closest relationship is probably accompanied by a particular mix of curiosity, hope and dread. Can couples therapy repair the relationship you are fighting to keep? Can it teach you to trust again? You love each other but things haven’t been easy. Is there someone who can help you learn to understand each other better? Perhaps you have been together for a long time but lately you feel so far away and the distance is making you wonder if you are happy or just getting by. Are you missing the passion and intimacy you once shared or do you seem to trigger each other’s deepest sensitivities every time you try to communicate? Whether you are experiencing explosive arguments or a tense stillness, there are likely things you could be saying to each other that either aren’t being said or aren’t being heard. If you are considering couples counseling, you haven’t given up yet.

Finding a safe space in which to allow yourself to be vulnerable with your partner about the truth of your needs and desires, met and unmet, is critical to opening the door to a deep mutual understanding that forms the basis for a shared sense of intimacy and connection. There is an art to communicating with compassion and listening with curiosity that can be learned when both partners are willing. Finding ways to hold each other’s pain and longing with compassion goes a long way towards healing. The hard part is staying open to their truth when our egos and vanities are so easily wounded. 

If your partner is resistant to therapy but you feel you would benefit from support during a difficult time and are looking for a non-partial witness to reflect your experience and help you sort through your feelings about the relationship, I can help you come to clarity about your path forward. Couples counseling, and therapy in general, is not effective unless all parties are equally willing, motivated and invested in the process. The best you can do is learn to take good care of yourself by seeking the support you need to flourish independently. Couples counseling can be disruptive in so far as it tends to bring to the surface sensitive issues that need expression in order to be resolved. If there is any physical violence in your relationship, please seek individual treatment instead.

The relationship dynamics involved in intimate partnerships are not exclusive to any one combination of gender identity or sexual expression. Queer or hetero-normative, you can feel safe with me to speak openly about sex, love and commitment, longing and loss.

I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Marin County located within easy proximity to Mill Valley, Sausalito and San Francisco. Visit me in person at my office in Tiburon or meet me for therapy online anywhere in California.